By Dalj Singh
The thing about disaster is that it has a habit of showing up unannounced like that unwelcome “friend” or relative that always picks the worst possible moment to knock on your door. Life can change in a moment. One minute, everything seems to be going to plan; the next, disaster strikes and the proverbial stuff hits the fan. A hard drive fails leaving you unable to retrieve irreplaceable data, work or memories. You miss a critical deadline or fail to deliver the product or service that you had promised and were paid for. That deal that you were certain of falls through. Some detail that you overlooked has turned into the one thing that costs you the most dearly. Whatever the calamity, you find yourself suddenly faced with anger, embarrassment, guilt and shame. You find yourself having to explain and apologise, and having the finger of blame pointed at you even though events may have seemed totally beyond your control.
While this can feel unfair, especially when you set out with the best of intentions and were giving it your all, it still falls to you to face the music and deal with whatever comes as consequence of the situation. “Why me?” you may ask, “I couldn’t have seen this coming, why did this have to happen and why of all times NOW?”. It’s easy to fall into self-pity when faced with these strokes of bad luck. It can seem like events have conspired against you and the universe is having a good laugh at your expense. I mean, surely you don’t deserve this!? How could your luck be this bad? You should be celebrating success with a slice of cake, and instead you have before you an entire humble pie that’s so huge the very sight of it would have sent the the “Man vs. Food” Guy running for cover! You didn’t mean for anything bad to happen and you couldn’t have predicted this disaster. Why oh why!?
While there’s little that anyone can say to make us feel better when calamity strikes, there is often a hidden gift to be discovered within disaster: the opportunity for a different perspective. You see, the thing about life force feeding you humble pie is… well… It’s humbling. Once we get past the dismay, the anger, and the indignation; there comes acceptance and the willingness to face the fire. In this state we have the opportunity to really see things from a perspective other than our own. All the aforementioned thoughts and states of mind previous to humility and acceptance are egocentric. They put ourselves, our needs and our problems front and centre. Going beyond these states, when we do find humility, we start to look beyond ourselves at who else is affected.
The ripples of the disaster that befalls us personally will invariably affect others around us. They touch the client who didn’t get their product in time or at all, the friend who was counting on you to be there, the employees whose jobs depended on closing that deal. Our disasters aren’t ours alone. They affect others, but we often overlook the fact while caught in the trap of feeling like the only real victim of a situation.
When we find that real humility, we start to think of the impact that our disaster has had on others and REALLY look at what we can learn from the experience. To look beyond our own pain and thinking about who we might have let down or hurt in the process is to truly have empathy and openness to learning. Once we are there we can take ownership of our role in the disaster (big or small), and take an honest look in the mirror with the question “what am I learning here and what will I change or do better in the future?” Further, you might ask “How do I make it up to the other people involved as well as to myself?”
Sometimes a hug or a handshake is enough. Other times a refund will do it. But then there are the occasions where it seems that nothing that you say, do or offer by way of compensation will be enough for the others involved. These are the most humbling of all situations, ones where you would truly do anything to make things better if only that were in your power.
In situations like those, you may have to face the fire and feel the brunt of someone else’s hurt. Holding onto that humility and empathy in those times is of great importance, for without it we lose the true lessons that disasters teach us. They teach us to self-examine, to be responsible and to improve ourselves going forward. If we find the humility to see beyond our own pain and empathise with others, we not only transcend our anger, but we also leave wiser for having learned from the situation. We become richer in character for having taken responsibility for our part in the situation and for having the courage to be honest and genuine with the others affected by our disasters. All of those magic ingredients are baked into that big old slice of humble pie on your plate (and the 7 others waiting after you finish the first one!). Nobody likes to eat humble pie, as it starves the ego. But once in a while it can be really nourishing for the soul.
Get your copy of Daljeet Singh’s book from www.projectlifethebook.com